To feed my desire for motherhood lately, I am creating the things that scare me the most. If I am unable to create the things I fear the most now, how will I ever be a fearless momma who creates fearless humans? My regular reminder how everything is a fractal.
Fractals have been a concept that I’ve become obsessed with in recent years. There is a theory, The Unified Theory of Everything, that states that the universe operates through interconnected repeating patterns that evolve, becoming more and more complex. This pattern is through which energy flows and cycles throughout all of eternity. After all, energy can neither be created nor destroyed. Only transferred, transformed and converted.
These patterns occur throughout everything. In our galaxy. In nature. In our bodies. In our behaviors. In our creations. Clouds. Broccoli. Veins. Humans. Within this theory, the human species can be considered fractals of God. Little creators created in the image of our big Creator. And now for my next act? The ultimate creation of life itself. But first, I must create, fractally. I must create on a smaller scale by transmuting the blocks keeping me from that version of myself. I am creating the things that scare me the most by alchemizing the parts of myself that scare me the most.
Alchemy is the transformation or transmutation of something into another form.
Creation is a laborious task and becomes even more so when you fight the requirement to relinquish control. Must perfection have a hand in everything? This relinquishment of control lets the creation take on a life of its own. (This must be mastered before we embark on parenthood. We all have witnessed what happens when parents don’t let their creations have their own lives.) This surrender is an act of bravery.
The concepts of fearlessness and freedom are deeply intertwined for me. Last year, I sat in to observe one of my 4th grade students during an ELA lesson. The lesson started with an essential question posed to the students: What does freedom mean to you?
As this video played for the class of Black and Brown students, my eyes began to water. How beautiful that they get to watch a legendary Black woman’s perspective on what freedom means to her. This may be the first time they have ever even pondered on the concept.
I also got emotional because I had been on a search for freedom that had felt like a lifelong journey, or at least a journey that began around their age. Though I had seen this video clip several times, it was only until that moment the simplicity of the message delivered such a resounding imprint.
To truly meet the level of freedom I am promised, I must reckon with what frightens me the most. But, how? You guessed it.
I must create the things that scare me the most. I must alchemize the parts of me that weigh me down. This is how I become free. This is how I rid myself of the internal blockages that my subconscious has attached to.
More recently, faith has become a more prominent pillar in my life. If surrender is an act of bravery, trust is an act of faith. It completes the holy trinity. My relationship with faith in the past year has been noteworthy. The evolution of my understanding of faith and spirituality has unveiled a power that I don’t feel should be kept secret. It is not magical but mystical. And much like the words of Nina Simone: it is simple.
A year ago, I was manifesting/praying for (these terms are interchangeable to me) my own Brooklyn apartment. Fast forward, I am typing this from my own Brooklyn apartment. Too easy, right? At the time, I didn’t know the particulars of how this apartment would come into fruition but I trusted that it would and lived my life with deep-seeded faith. Why? Because, I knew that more times than not, I could have anything I wanted if I really put my mind to it. The main things that always stood in my way? Lack of discipline, commitment and fearlessness.
Over the next 6 months, I deepened my practice of gratitude and naming my desires, BOLDLY. With the help of lectures and readings, I learned more about what it meant to take control of creating the life I wanted and felt that I deserved. (However, our own subconscious mind has a lot more say in what we think we deserve than what we realize.) At times, I find myself saying “it doesn’t make sense that I am able to live in this apartment” but I am able and I deserve it. I have said this about many things in my life since being here in New York. And so, my faith continues to strengthen and grow.
Fearlessness. Faith. Freedom.
These are the pillars that are at the center of my life— the pillars of my life as a creator. I am creating all of the things I am afraid to birth, fearlessly and fractally. I am faithful to the divine embodiment of who I am to be (thank you to my cat Maggi for helping me with this). I am freeing myself from all the things that keep me tethered to my old self.
Fearlessness. Faith. Freedom.
This is the practice. This is the formula for any spells I cast or magic I brew. This is how I am preparing to ascend to the ultimate form of creator available to me in this earthly realm.
The Cosmic Creation is the latest creation on my list of things I have been fearful of. I have been afraid of creating a business geared towards subjects that aren’t popular or taken seriously in mainstream. I have been afraid of publicly sharing some of my spiritual practices and beliefs. I have been afraid of the responsibility of creating and guiding a community. But, I have desires to receive.
Creation is as creation does. So, here we are.
Your Cosmic Advisor,
Monique💫